My Poor Daisy...

Around Easter, we started noticing little Miss Daisy doing something really weird. She would act like her hind leg was not functioning properly. It would only be for a couple seconds and then she would go back to her normal self, running and jumping all over the place. Worried, we decided to have the vet take a look at her. We found out that she was born with something called Patella Luxation. This is when the kneecap slips out of where it is supposed to be. It is in it's early stages at the moment so we don't have to do anything about it right now. If we notice it starting to get worse, we will need to bring her in and they will have to perform patella reconstruction. She has the condition in both hind legs which creates a bit of stress on the wallet with the surgery being a $1200 per leg wallop. Figuring that it isn't hindering her way of living at the moment, we are deciding to wait until it gets worse and save up money.

I gotta say thing though... if she didn't love her so much, her with her unique personality and all, we probably wouldn't even consider this surgery. She is completely irreplaceable and we will never, ever find another cat like her... so I guess I can sacrifice a vacation so our baby can run and prance around without any pain.

So Far, So Good

Everything seems to be calming down at the moment. We are all stopping the whole passive-aggressive thing that was creating the drama. My dad is still beside himself that we all feel the way that we do about the direction his life is going, and that his daughters are actually trying to be independent in this crazy world. I'm slowly developing a social life again with co-workers and neighbors.

My sister mentioned to me that she would like to hop onto the healthy-train as well. I suggested to her that we be "healthy buddies". Now, I know that sounds cheesy, but I think she doesn't want this to feel like she is doing this just to lose weight, but rather to be healthy and happy. We know have a blog (www.tradethisforthat@wordpress.com) that we are going to blogging our efforts to each other and be able to brag about our successes and feel something other than guilt for our failures. A competition, if you would, on which one of us can be the healthiest. Hopefully this will be the motivation that I am so obviously desperate for.

Whether it be family drama or being healthy, life is so hard. Right now, everything is going well though I am sure that this will change in no time. But for the time being, I think I would just like to say: So far, so good!

Am I bald yet?

My sister and her boyfriend came over last night. They are staying the weekend at our place. After playing a round of Word with Friends, we started talking about the troubles we are having with my dad. Apparently, he is getting himself in deep by listening to the wife of his late-friend. I don't really want to get into everything that is driving my sisters and I to pulling out our hair, but I can't help but think... am I bald yet??

Out of my entire family, my husband and I are the most secure. The oldest has social anxiety pretty bad and is lucky enough to hold a job at Market Basket. The third-born is extremely proud to be in the maintenance crew at Hannaford. The baby of the family is still in college waiting for her chance to take a stab at life. My dad is infamously unemployed to which he spends all of his time with the "disabled" wife of his dead friend.

I don't know how to get rid of this ugly feeling that my dad's life is going to create a domino effect and cause the lives of his 4 daughters to crash and burn along with his. He is becoming more paranoid, more pessimistic and sour towards the world. Now don't get me wrong he was always pretty sour but it seems to have gotten progressively worse. After moving out of my father's house, I noticed how bitter I was towards the entire world. Since then, I have tried very, very hard to make the best of life. What's the point of life if you go through it entirely unhappy? So I've made the decision to just be happy and it's been wonderful! However, my dad is unknowingly threatening to destroy this.

What does one do when a loved one is changing into a person you don't want to be around? What does one do when they can't seem to do anything to change it? I already lost my mom... I don't want to lose my dad as well! I still need him! I will always need him!!!!

Resetting Goals

All is well again. I was able to get new arthritis medication communicating strictly through voicemails alone with my rheumatologist's assistant. I was scared originally because a lot of people reported having some really bad side effects with it. So far, all is good. The pain and swelling is still there but the medication did say that it could take up to 2 weeks for the medicine to take effect. Figures!

In other news, my husband and I are back to working on toning up for our August trip. We stopped for a little while due to laziness (another bad habit we have to break). To hopefully help this along, I have decided to make some goals that aren't as vague:

• Exercise for 25 minutes 3 times a week
• Have some form of vegetable and/or fruit everyday
• Limit carbs consumed. This means only 1-2 pieces of bread with dinner and 3/4 the original portion size for pasta. I plan to eventually half it, but I really, really like pasta...and bread!

I think those are good for now. Let's try this for one week and see if we will be able to increase it to two weeks, one month, three months, six months then a year.


Wish me luck!!!

The Problem with Doctors

Recently, I have been having trouble with my arthritis. I went to see my rheumatologist on February 14th and reported no trouble at all. Everything was going nicely with my medication and I couldn't had been happier. So, my doctor scheduled me an appointment for 6 months from then. About a week ago, it seems that my arthritis wasn't taking to the medication as nicely as before.

Since I don't remember if I have mentioned this before, I was diagnosed last year with Psoriatic Arthritis in my SI joint and sternoclavicular joint. I have had x-rays to confirm the inflammation in my SI joint, but no tests were done for the sternoclavicular joint. At my first appointment, I was asked if I had any other pain besides the SI joint and that's when I pointed out the noticeable swelling and explained the on and off pain. I informed my rheumatologist that my primary care doctor thought it was costacondritis, for which nothing could be done for and it was left at that. Without doing any tests, my rheumatologist diagnosed me with arthritis in my sternoclavicular joint as well since the swelling was way too high to be costacondritis.

Back to the story... since a week ago, I have had on-again, off-again pain in the sternoclavicular joint. Doing what I have been told, I called my rheumatologist yesterday morning. I explained what was going on to the receptionist and she forwarded me to my rheumatologist's assistant, who I have met but never called before. Not only did the phone not ring and go straight to his voicemail, but I have not received a call back yet! I called twice and haven't heard a word back. What's the deal!? I am in pain here and it is very much affecting my posture! I don't know what to do. I have spoken with my NH manager about this and she thinks I should just go to the office and demand to speak with someone. She's pushy like that, which makes her a great mother and great manager. I am very passive aggressive, which is why I am only an assistant. I am beyond frustrated and I don't understand why people can't do their jobs.

Loving the New Job!!

I have got to say... I am really loving this new job. Not necessarily in a I-will-even-come-in-weekends kind of a way but more in a I-don't-dread-going-to-work-everyday. My coworkers are awesome! and the decorating of my cubical is coming along nicely. I don't know what I am going to do without the flower that my NH manager gave to me, but its coming along nicely. I really wonder when I am going to be getting my security badge though... I can't really get in or out of the building without it (unless the receptionist is around).

Fear of Mistakes and Nervousness

With my new job (background check still pending) I am encountering a bunch of new experiences that I feel I should be able to do by now. For instance, tomorrow I have to take notes at an important NH Management Meeting and at a  ME weekly conference call. It doesn't sound like a hard task, but I have never been very good at taking notes. I am beyond nervous about it. I've never taken notes for anything other than a class before. My NH manager is great though. She wants to be able to help me do the best I can do. I met with her today about the task and she tried to provide me with useful tips on how I could go about doing it. Being from a generation who grew up practically engulfed in technology, I don't take notes by hand too well. My NH manager got me a laptop rental so that I wouldn't have to worry about it.

Unfortunately, my only worry at this point would be that I am not going to be able to speak up, that I am going to miss something important, and that I am going to lose my focus and stop listening. I've been doing that a lot lately and I can't seem to shake it. I am very much a quiet person by nature and it's hard for me to speak up in front of a group of people and draw attention to me. My NH manager has reassured me that she usually has a pretty good memory and she will do her best to go over notes with me afterwards. However, my ME manager hasn't been too forgiving...I think. I am unaware of what she expects of me entirely. She is aware that I am not going to be able to make sense of much, since I am so new to everything. This meeting I am going to have to write everything out by hand. I don't know how to ease my mind about this... any of it. I've even Google'd how to take notes, to see if there were any tricks to it. My problem is that I am mortified of making a mistake, always have been. I take making a mistake so hard, I beat myself up for it, though I know I shouldn't. Mistakes are how we learn, or at least that is what I have been told.