Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Fear of Mistakes and Nervousness

With my new job (background check still pending) I am encountering a bunch of new experiences that I feel I should be able to do by now. For instance, tomorrow I have to take notes at an important NH Management Meeting and at a  ME weekly conference call. It doesn't sound like a hard task, but I have never been very good at taking notes. I am beyond nervous about it. I've never taken notes for anything other than a class before. My NH manager is great though. She wants to be able to help me do the best I can do. I met with her today about the task and she tried to provide me with useful tips on how I could go about doing it. Being from a generation who grew up practically engulfed in technology, I don't take notes by hand too well. My NH manager got me a laptop rental so that I wouldn't have to worry about it.

Unfortunately, my only worry at this point would be that I am not going to be able to speak up, that I am going to miss something important, and that I am going to lose my focus and stop listening. I've been doing that a lot lately and I can't seem to shake it. I am very much a quiet person by nature and it's hard for me to speak up in front of a group of people and draw attention to me. My NH manager has reassured me that she usually has a pretty good memory and she will do her best to go over notes with me afterwards. However, my ME manager hasn't been too forgiving...I think. I am unaware of what she expects of me entirely. She is aware that I am not going to be able to make sense of much, since I am so new to everything. This meeting I am going to have to write everything out by hand. I don't know how to ease my mind about this... any of it. I've even Google'd how to take notes, to see if there were any tricks to it. My problem is that I am mortified of making a mistake, always have been. I take making a mistake so hard, I beat myself up for it, though I know I shouldn't. Mistakes are how we learn, or at least that is what I have been told.

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